The New Neighbors Are Japanese
by stickymolly
Summary: This story takes place in modern times. Sasuke, Saizo, and Yukimura are living in America. Sasuke attends school and the other two...well, goof off at home! They have wacky adventures together. AHAHA! R&R please!
1. The Old Lady on the Bus

**The New Neighbors are Japanese**

"Sasuke, come down, you'll be late for school!"

"Don't want to go to school!" the boy stood morosely on the tree branch and looked at the two men below.

"Sasuke, do what Yukimura says!" Saizo looked really annoyed. The darn kid was causing a scene—and it was making a fool out of Yukimura-sama.

"Shuddup, Saizo."

Yukimura sighed, but he was wearing a grin on his face. "You want me to send you back to Japan...and hire a babysitter?"

"Wha-at?! No way!" Sasuke hurriedly jumped down.

"Aww, come here, Sasuke-chan, I was only kidding about the sitter." Yukimura laughed. "Come on, I can't put on your backpack if your arms are folded..."

"The bus is coming," Saizo called, using all six senses to locate it.

"Duh." Sasuke grumbled.

"You're so cute when you're angry." Yukimura said, as they waited by a group of girls. The girls giggled and pointed. Sasuke made a face at them and they giggled louder.

"Hontou...ne?" Yukimura had to grab Sasuke's arm to keep him from running off. "Oi! Doko ni iku no yo? (Hey, where're you going?) You've got a lot of pretty girls staring at you!" He was speaking in Japanese, but of course everyone knew what was going on.

"That's the whole damn point!" Sasuke cried tugging uselessly had his arm. Yukimura had a grip like a steel vise.

The bus pulled up and Yukimura pushed Sasuke onto it. "Sasuke, always be the first one on the bus."

"WHY?"

"So you can say hello to the nice driver!"

The bus driver was not at all nice. In fact she was so old and wrinkled, the skin sagged over her eyes and seemed to block her vision. She smiled evilly at the boy and showed a row of jagged brown teeth that made even Saizo shift uneasily. Sasuke could have sworn that she whispered his name.

"What a stupid reason." Sasuke said, and dove for a seat, but Yukimura was still hanging on to him, giving the impression he was a grumpy toddler. Everyone laughed.

"I'll handle this." Yukimura said, and turned to the driver. "Hi what's your name? You're looking great today!"

The old lady seemed very taken with Yukimura's long hair and his fair complexion, not to mention the gorgeous smile."I'm Mrs. Gladys." She whispered. "But call me Mary," She added in a voice that was as gravelly as the pebbles on the road.

"This here is Sasuke, he would absolutely _love_ to have tea with you sometime..."

"Oh, I'm sure he would."

Sasuke spun around in horror and let out a Japanese word nobody knew—"Nani?! Everyone laughed again.

"He'll teach you how to write kanji too."

"Does he like animals?" the old lady asked. "Cause I have twenty or thirty cats...I forget how many I have."

"He adores them." Yukimura beamed and let Sasuke go. He fell into a seat and crouched low. The old hag laughed and sounded like she had a mouse lodged in her throat.

"Don't worry about him, he's very shy."

"I'm good with shy kids. Don't worry, he'll be in good hands."

"Have fun, Sasuke-kun." Yukimura stepped off the bus and all the kids cheered. But it was a strange sort of cheer... 'Sounds of liberation' Sasuke thought, as they clambered on.

As soon as Yukimura and Saizo disappeared into the park, the old lady swiveled her head around and squawked: "OKAY, WHO'S READY FOR A BEATING?!" she wasn't kidding around; in her hand was a pole with...bloodstains on it?

Nobody said anything.

"THEN SIT YOUR BUTTS DOWN, AND SHUDDUP!" she spotted Sasuke and came slowly over with the pole on her shoulder. "Well, well, well," she murmured. "A new student. I know your kind. I can smell it "—she inhaled deeply through hair clogged nostrils—"Don't give me any trouble, boy. Or I'll cut open your head and use your brains to feed my..."

"MRS. GLADYS, GET MOVING OR I'LL FIRE YOU!!" screamed the radio. The old lady jumped back to her seat and continued onward.

Being so used to death threats, Sasuke wasn't the least bit frightened. What got him was that there was an unusual stench hovering in the air, and there was not a glimmer of hope anywhere.

_What kind of school is he headed to, anyway? _


	2. The Weird Teacher and Lacey

Disclaimer: Don't own SDK or the characters. Except the original ones, though I'd hate to because they're all losers.

Note: By the way, Sasuke's bilingual. He took English classes back when he was in Japan. If you ask me, he's pretty good at it. (Sasuke: Of course I am! Pouts ) Yeah, I know...

Sasuke watched the trees pass by and he missed Japan. He slowly brought out his kendama and longed to toss the ball into the air and take his mind off things. He slipped it back into his pocket or wherever-he-keeps-it and went back to staring out the window. America was nothing but a country full of weirdoes.

"Snake-Eyes!" whispered the boy in front of him.

The old lady up front didn't hear him, but the kids around him did, so they smirked and giggled with silent laughter.

The bus pulled to a stop at the school, and all the kids scurried down the steps and scattered into the courtyard, where there stood a couple of basketball goals and a rickety playground set that the government was too lazy to tear down because it would cost them valuable time and money. As ancient as it was, it still wasn't old enough to be called a hazard.

Sasuke waited impatiently for the bell to ring. There was a tug on his sleeve. He looked down and saw a skinny girl wearing a miniskirt and a flowered tank. She had her brown hair in a tight tight ponytail, so tight she could have been Japanese. Sasuke guessed it was her older sister must've fixed it for her. He bet it was painful, walking around with your hair pulled back like that.

"Hi, I'm Lacey!" a little girl said. She peered up at him through squeaky-clean eyeglasses and scratched one of her scabby knees. "What's your name?"

Sasuke pursed his lips. "Sasuke. Just Sasuke."

"I fall down a lot. My mom says I'm accident-prone, whatever that means..." Lacey adjusted her glasses. "Do you like to dance? I do. I dance a lot, even in the shower...!"

"_Look_, I really don't want to know what kinds of things you do in the shower, or that kind of thing. I _loathe_ dancing. And singing." He added.

"Fine, then." Lacey said, not at all bothered. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Girls are revolting. Look, I hate girls because they talk about stuff like this."

"I get headaches a lot too."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Where do you live, anyway?"

The bell rang, and Sasuke took off into the crowd.

"Sasuke wait!" she called, but he left her far behind. Half-blind girls with chronic headaches; talk about a hard life. Sasuke hurried into his assigned sixth grade classroom and sat down, far at the back. It wasn't long before the teacher—Mr. Comar—walked in and began taking roll. Sasuke was the last to be called.

"Sa-soo-kay?"

"Mumble."

"Enh? Can't hear you!"

"Here."

Mr. Comar smiled big and bright. "Well, well, well," he began.

'Does everyone here say that?' Sasuke thought.

"Come up here, Sa-soo-kay,"

Sasuke reluctantly stood up and sidled up to the grimy chalkboard and faced the class. He folded his arms and scowled.

"Alright, Macho Man, tell us about yourself!" Mr. Comar beamed, taking a breath mint out of his shirt pocket. He chewed on it and leaned against his desk. He licked his lips. Sasuke looked at his classmates and back at Mr. Comar.

It was so quiet you could almost hear the acid climbing its way up Mr. Comar's esophagus, he made a face and gulped it back down, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Well—who's in your family?"

"If you can call it a family." Sasuke said, gruffly, wondering if Yukimura would count as a dad. "You could say I'm the one looking out for _them_, because of their extreme tendency to get drunk and bring home women I don't know." Not the other guy, though, but he still drives me nuts." He didn't mention Kosuke. (Though he should have...due to the weird thoughts that were springing up in the minds of all the people in the room...!)

"O-kay," Mr. Comar said, screwing up his face due to his heartburn. He wondered what the boy was talking about. Were his parents gay? Not many people knew what kind of secret life Mr. Comar lived back at the teacher housing, but that was a well-kept secret. Anyway, coming back to Sasuke and the class...

"Do you have any pets?" a girl in the front asked.

"You could say animals don't bother me. I had a dog once." Sasuke admitted. (He loved animals! Really! )

"When's your birthday?"

"...Don't ask." He mumbled. Every year Sasuke dreaded his birthday. Somehow Yukimura always surprised him with birthday bashes every year that almost always ended up with everyone getting drunk. Sasuke, Saizo and Kosuke were the only ones that kept their sanity, for Yukimura's sake of course, but Yukimura partied away and made a fool of himself as usual. Once he even got laid with the mother of one girl, who would later on become pregnant at another party that night.

"Tell me, Sasuke," a boy in the back row called. "Why is it that boys in Japan look like fags or something?"

"You tell me," Sasuke answered. "Why guys like you are so _stupid_ in the first place. I'd rather be anywhere than here." He narrowed his eyes until everyone in the room quivered from fear or fascination. "There are a lot of tough guys out there, but remember this: _I'm_ the toughest of them all."

"Okay, now. Enough questions." Mr. Comar was sweating slightly; watching Sasuke go back to his seat. The boy threw the whoopee cushion that had been sitting on it into the face of the boy who asked the fag question.

"Go die!" Sasuke hissed, and sat down.

"Now Sasuke, no death threats in my classroom." Mr. Comar said soothingly, following the directions in the teacher's manual. (Chapter 10: How to Deal With Unruly Behavior and Death Threats)

"It wasn't directed at you, _Mr._ Comar." Sasuke said moodily. He was losing interest, and _fast_.

Something about the way Sasuke said that sent shivers running down the teacher's spine. "Now, Sasuke," he said. "I want you to calm down, or I will ask you to _leave_ my classroom..."

"Look, this wouldn't keep going on forever if you didn't keep provoking me like this..."

"Now hon, I mean Sasuke. I'll need you to be quiet now."

"HE CALLED SASUKE 'HONEY'!!"

The kendama whipped out of nowhere and Sasuke clonked the boy who yelled. (It was the guy with the whoopee cushion.) The hard wooden ball slammed him in the face and he fell out of his seat, apparently unconscious.

Mr. Comar looked at the two of them with horror.

Klok klok. Sasuke casually hit the ball a couple of times and paused, with the ball steadily balanced on the wood. There was a rather evil smirk on his face.

"Could've been worse; but he had it coming."

"Oh my gawd,_ blood_!" a girl screamed, and fainted too.

(If you got ideas, tell me, because I have a tendency to make stories about nothing sometimes. Even that gets tiring. Don't forget to review it...!)


	3. Soap Operas and 'Spankings'

Note: In the manga, the girl chara sometimes call Yukimura 'Yukki', so you'll be seeing in here too. I'll pick on Saizo some more too, so it'll be interesting! LOL

Yukimura and Saizo sat side by side on the floor in front of the couch, sharing a bag of popcorn and watching afternoon soap operas.

"Change it back to the other one, the one with the pregnant lady in it."

They turned back in time to see the lady give birth to a fake baby made out of plastic. Saizo sweat-dropped as the scene cut off and came to two young lovers sitting on a bench under a fake tree. Their voices echoed as they spoke and you could tell the scene was being filmed indoors. The scene changed again and came back to the hospital scene, where the new mother was holding her baby, which had been replaced with a live one that was about two or three months old. She kissed her husband and they both laughed happily, only to find out that so and so got kidnapped and was now being held hostage at gunpoint. So much drama!

Yukimura sighed. These TV shows were sure getting him drowsy. His eyes began to droop, and he was beginning to lean slowly towards Saizo. His face bumped his shoulder and Saizo's nostrils filled with a fruit-scented aroma. (Yukimura's shampoo!)

"Uhh, Yukimura-sama, you look tired. Maybe you should go rest..."

"No no, I'm...fine..." Yukimura stifled a yawn and smiled at his longhaired buddy. "Just a while longer, okay?"

Saizo took a handful of popcorn and he was just about to eat it when Yukimura sagged into his lap. "Sake..." he mumbled.

"Ah!" Saizo gasped, and dropped his popcorn on Yukki's face. "Uhh, Yukimura...!" he said. "Yukimura!" he tried to shake the man awake as gently as he could, but Yukimura only snuggled closer (much to his dismay!).

'I'll let him lay here...for a little longer.' Saizo thought, and so he did. Thirty minutes later in the middle of "Days of Our Lives", Yukimura still hadn't awakened and Saizo's legs felt like two logs. He was practically on the verge of tears when Yukimura had decided to roll over onto the floor and onto his knees. He seemed to be in the middle of a dream, because his fingers kept twitching, his face too.

"He's probably having a nightmare anyway. He'll be glad I woke him up." Saizo thought, and gathered up some courage. He had barely touched Yukki's shoulder when a fist shot out and punched him in the balls.

"UNH!!" Saizo grunted, and fell over, spilling the popcorn.

"Acorns! You ate all the acorns!!" Yukimura yelled, and sat up. He blinked and looked around. "Wait...that was a dream?!" It was all Saizo could do to keep from whimpering, but in spite of that he let out a small groan. ("Oww!") He rolled onto his stomach and stayed there. He looked like a turtle with a stomachache, if turtles even got stomachaches.

"Saizo!" Yukimura cried, shuffling over on his hands and knees. Saizo looked up, tears squeezing out of eyes, expecting a sincere apology and maybe even a hug.

"I had the best dream _ever_!!" Yukimura said joyfully. (Saizo slumped back down.) "I was in the forest with Sasuke, and we were having dinner with a bunch of squirrels! It was a very cute dream too," his face darkened. "Until that guy came along and ate all the acorns..."

"Y-Yukimura!! You..._punched_ me!" Saizo said, chagrined. Yukimura stopped talking. "I did what? Punched you? Where?" He saw Saizo holding his er, _injured_ spot.

"Oh gawd, no! I almost destroyed your manhood! Don't you think we should examine it to see if 'everything' is okay?" Yukimura joked, and laughed at Saizo's bewildered look. "I'll get an icepack."

"No no, I really don't think that's..." Saizo began, but Yukimura was already in the kitchen, searching for ice in the fridge. "Where is that damn ice tray? Did we even make ice? Hey, found it!" He was back, and he was just pouring ice into a ziplock when the phone rang.

"I got it!" Yukimura sprang up, and absentmindedly threw the bag of ice down, right onto Saizo's (_cough cough_). Saizo clapped a hand over his mouth with crossed eyes and he clutched the bag of ice ever tightly until his knuckles were white. Yukimura picked the phone up. "Hello!" he snickered into the mouthpiece. "Uh-huh. I see. Well, what do you want me to do about it? What was that? Well, fine. Whatever's okay with you, bye." He set the phone down. "There's some good news, and there's some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

At this point, Saizo was just recovering from his injury (hahahaha!!), and he was now sitting up. "Well, the good news, I guess." He decided. Yukimura put on a big grin.

"Our little Sasuke is getting along with his classmates!"

"And the bad news?"

"He's getting suspended."

"What are you trying to imply by that?"

A burst of lightning illuminated the room, followed by a booming thunder clap. Rain poured to the ground in torrents.("Ahh! It's gonna flood! Save me, Saizo!") About five, maybe ten seconds later, the door burst open. It nearly bounced itself closed. Saizo jumped and Yukimura put on his 'Serious Look' as a small, rain drenched figure stomped in and stood at the threshold of their house.

"What-do-you-want-from-us?" Yukimura said slowly and dramatically, holding a cowering Saizo in front of him as a shield. The person snorted and came towards them.

"What's that stupid expression for, it's only me." Sasuke mumbled, and threw his book-laden school bag into Saizo's lap. ("Unh!") "I only got one homework assignment, and a permission slip for you to sign..."

"You're ba-ack!" Yukimura cried, and grabbed Sasuke by the ankles and pulled him down to the ground.

"G-get off me!" Sasuke cried, failing every attempt to struggle his way out of Yukimura's bear-hug/headlock. He tried to crawl away on his hands and knees, but he kept getting dragged back. Saizo hugged Sasuke's bag, and this time he was really crying, sniffling into his bandanna and looking over Sasuke's homework at the same time. Yukimura ignored him and went on about babying Sasuke as if he were his only begotten son or something.

"Give me a hug! I haven't seen you all _day_, I was so _worried_...!" Yukimura nuzzled Sasuke's head with his cheek—"Don't do that!! Yukimura...!!"—and took the boy's face in his two hands. "My! You're growing so fast I can see stretch marks!"

"What in the _hell_?!" Sasuke cried. His kendama was on the floor. He lunged for it and tried to hit Yukimura with it, but Yukimura was too fast, as usual, and dodged the blow. It hit Saizo in the forehead, knocking him out. He fell over on the couch. Yukimura gasped loudly in dismay, dramatically covering his mouth with the palm of his hand, and Sasuke knew he'd gone too far.

"No! You _bad_ little boy, it's time for your _spanking_!" Yukimura grabbed Sasuke and wrestled him to the ground and sat on top of him, pinning his arms down with his knees. What kind of spanking was _that_?

"NO!! Get away from meeee!!" But instead of getting punished, he started getting tickled. Yukimura was really mean when he tickled somebody, because he knew exactly where it would hurt...I mean _tickle_, sorry. He could make even Kyo laugh if he tickled him. Sasuke was all too glad Kyo wasn't here to see him in this position. He came crashing back to the present as Yukimura put his hands under his shirt and tickled his stomach.

"Aww, quit being so _serious_!"

"No! No!" Sasuke gasped for air. Trying not to laugh was getting extremely difficult. "S-stop! Y-Yuki..._mura_!!" The boy was near tears, and his face was kinda screwed up, but he managed to maintain an _almost_ straight face all throughout his torture.

"There, you can go now." Yukimura let him up and the boy scurried away like a cat on fire to seethe in his room, which he shared with Saizo. (Well, they all slept in the room, mainly because they 'needed' each other, though Sasuke knew he really didn't need anyone, but Yukimura did. All the other rooms were dedicated to such things such as a tiny martial arts dojo, and a mini red light district. But that was just a nickname, thank goodness. They called it that 'just because'.) Yukimura meanwhile, went over to the dead Saizo (well, he _looked_ like he was dead) and picked up the permission slip.

"Hmm." He said, reading it over. "Interesting."

Letter: _Dear Parent, we are going on a trip to the museum in the next two weeks. We need your child to bring some money for lunch, and a coat, just in case. Chaperones are also welcome to come along for the ride, since there will be about fifty children to look after on two buses. A total of five chaperones are needed, on a first come, first serve basis. Thank you, and hope you can make it! Signed, the Principal_

What will happen on the field trip?! Will Sasuke ever make any friends? Find out in the next chapter! Hope you're enjoying it!


	4. Gym Class and the School Heartthrob

Note: How're you enjoying it? Haha, I thought so. Poor Saizo, Yukki and Sasuke-kun are so mean to him. But he'll be okay, as always. Maybe I'll introduce more characters as I go, so hang in there.

Sasuke reached into his bag and pulled out his shorts. It was gym class, and he was in the boys' locker room. Some guys were in the shower stalls, smoking pot, and another few were trying to peep at the girls through a tiny hole in their wall. Sasuke pulled his shorts on and wondered what all the fuss was about. Girls were weak, and they either screamed or laughed _way_ too much, or both. How did they do that? He stuffed his clothes into a locker and slammed it shut, managing to glare at the guys in the shower stall.

He would never do drugs. Or spy on semi-nude women. That was just stupid.

The people who were already outside waited for the gym teacher to come out. He was still in his office, trying to find his attendance sheet. He was always losing his attendance sheet.

"Hey, Shorty, what's your name?" A tall kid stood in the doorway, blocking Sasuke's way. He had platinum blond hair tied in a makeshift ponytail and his eyes were violet. He was the heart throb of all the girls in the school. Sasuke thought he saw the boy's mouth twitch, just a little bit. He was thin and sort of frail-looking, but he still looked like he could pick on someone Sasuke's height. As _if_!

Sasuke looked at the boy up and down, sizing him up before he said a word.

"Find out yourself, 'cause I'm not going to tell you." He made a semi-Death Glare and added a smirk to it for effect.

"Geez," the boy said. He looked hurt. "I just asked. But I'll call you Shorty anyway." The boy turned and sauntered over to the rest of the group, who were still waiting.

Sasuke glared and turned away. Who was the fag again? Giving people names like that; that guy would have to earn his respect if he wanted to call him nicknames. He continued his way over to the class and they all lined up against the wall in alphabetical order, like they were supposed to. Unfortunately, he got trapped by two girls, one on each side.

"Okaay! I found it!" The gym teacher lumbered out of the office waving his attendance sheet around. His name was Mr. Jim. He was a Navajo but nobody knew that. "Allen!" He called them by their surnames. "Cruz!"

"Here."

"Darwin!"

"Heere!"

He reached 'R'.

"Ray!"

The blond guy answered. "Present!" he was the only 'R'.

"Sanford."

"Here."

"Sarutobi!"

"Here,"Sasuke mumbled.

"Hey, Where're you from, you have a Japanese name." Mr. Jim stood in front of him. "Yeah, I know a Japanese when I see one."

Well, he was the first one to guess right. Sasuke decided to cut this guy some slack, he was pretty intelligent.

"Izzat your natural hair color?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with it?"

"It's white. But I'm really not here to admire your hair, am I? I'm here to torture you with sit ups and push ups, am I right? And today you will all get to run laps, thanks for reminding me."

"Aww man!!" the class moaned in unison.

"Hahaha," Mr. Jim laughed. "Aren't we gonna have fun today! Time to get those lazy butts of yours moving." He went back to calling roll and finished with 'Yale.'

"Everyone, drop down and give me fifty! Push ups, Go!"

Sasuke did as he was told and ended up being the first one finished, while the others, including "Ray" were barely on twenty-something.

"Now, sit-ups...Go!"

"Same number?" A girl drawled.

"Same number."

"Damn!"

"Shut your mouth."

Sasuke smirked, and went even faster. Nobody knew, but he was pretty built, with all the martial arts training and kendo. Not to mention he ate only the 'good stuff' and stayed away from carrots. Boy, he hated carrots. Sasuke breezed right through his sit-ups and stood up, waiting for the next command.

"Now everyone, get outside, we're going to run some laps."

_Sometime later:_

"S-Sasuke, w-wait...for...me!" 'Ray' wheezed. His blond hair was strewn all over, and his flushed face was dripping with sweat. He struggled to walk and every now and then he would streak forth with a burst of energy that only carried him about fifteen feet.

Sasuke growled in reply and slowed down a little bit, but it wasn't enough for the blond guy.

"S-slow down, some more!"

"This isn't a pity race, I'm supposed to beat all of you!" Sasuke snarled, and left him far behind.

The class was only supposed to run two laps, but after a fight broke out between two girls over the water, Mr. Jim lost his temper and made the whole class run eight more, to equal ten, with no water breaks. Sasuke was running his eighth lap with ease. Nobody reached six, or even seven. 'Ray' had to stop two minutes later due to an asthma attack and one girl sprained her ankle.

'Why am I not surprised?' Sasuke thought. 'They eat too much junk food. Even Japanese snacks are healthy.' He thought of onigiri and his stomach growled. He would make Saizo cook the rice, and he would make himself onigiri. The school lunches here tasted like garbage. Maybe he should start taking his own lunch to school, put it in a bentou box or something...oishii!

"You're pretty good, Sasuke." The gym teacher said. "Full marks for today. Nobody knows it, but this is really the quiz of the week. I like catching them off guard." He snickered evilly. Sasuke gulped down water and didn't say anything.

The girls who fought over water were now eyeing the white-haired boy with odd gleams in their eyes. Sasuke was so hell-bent on ignoring them that it actually worked.

_That afternoon:_

"Sasuke, you're home!!" Yukimura yelled. The house smelled like chocolate cake, but it was warm and toasty like an oven. Let's just say it had the classic 'homey touch' to it.

"Stay. Away. From me." The boy said, lethally. In reply, Yukimura put on the 'Scary Face' and walked slowly towards him like a zombie, with his arms outstretched, hands slowly making grabbing motions. Sasuke's eye twitched and he fled to the bathroom to hide in the shower.

"Come on, I was only kidding!" Yukki called after him. "But what an unusual place to hide, I could turn on that shower you know...as an afterthought..." he grinned and put a hand over his mouth to smother his giggle.

Ding!

"Yukimura-sama," Saizo said wearily. "The cake's done." He was still armed with his apron, two oven mitts and a rather large knife, complete with a white strip of cloth tied around his head with a red circle on it, the symbol of the Land of the Rising Sun. On either side of the red circle were the kanji for his name. He took the cake (a Bundt cake) and carefully turned it upside down, to remove it from the pan; it was perfectly circular. He took the now liquefied icing from the microwave and poured it around the edges. It was like a large donut. Yukimura sniffed the air and sidled over.

"I was gonna take one anyway." Sasuke continued, grabbing a towel. "I got jumped by a bunch of stupid girls on the way home. They rubbed their ugly flower scent on me and put glitter on my face." A shiver went down his spine.

"Good good," Yukimura said, but he was referring to Saizo's chocolate cake. Sasuke slammed the door irritably and turned the shower on full blast.

"How long did this take you? It's verry delicious. You'll be the next Martha Stewart hahaha...!" Yukimura left, still licking icing off his finger like a kitten, savoring every bit of it. "Man, I love chocolate. I love it like sake. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Saizo, would you mind going down to that Asian supermarket and buying me some sake? Oh, and don't forget the nori. Sasuke will probably want onigiri or something...maybe sushi..."

Saizo tottered to the bedroom and closed the door.

_At the blond guy's house:_

"Honey, you're home, where've you been?" A blond woman came out of the kitchen to give her son a hug and a peck on the head.

"Mom, quit it."

"What's wrong?"

Silence.

"This is about Dad, isn't it?"

He nodded. "I don't want to be asking this again," he said slowly. "Why did you two have to split up?"

_Tsk tsk tsk, this is starting to become too angsty for me, so I'll just cut off to the next chapter. I'm still trying to find a stupid name for this 'Ray' guy too. Can you come up with a name? I'll leave the choice up to you!_


	5. Ten Bottles of Sake on the Wall

_I really felt compelled to write a chapter dedicated to Saizo today, so I did. Though in truth, he really has a tough time on his part keeping Yukimura-san happy, he's really fun to write about. You're so cute, Saizo!_

_(Saizo: You really don't have to...)_

Saizo slowly pushed his shopping cart down the aisle of the Asian Supermarket. (That was actually the name of the store.) Ramen, nori, wasabi, rice, soba, shiro miso, aka miso, bean curd...

Sake. With trembling fingers he reached out and picked up the cold bottle. And another. And another. He put the whole box in the cart and mentally totaled up the price.

Ten bottles at two dollars each; twenty bucks. Saizo reached into his sock and counted out some change for the tax.

"Having a nice evening?" asked the lovely young Asian girl behind the counter. Saizo was still young; he was only twenty-two, for crying out loud! Saizo gave a deep sigh.

"Yes, of course." He replied, averting his eyes. He handed her the money and he felt her warm soft hand brush his.

"Have a good night's sleep, sir." She said. "You'll really need it!" she dropped the cold change, along with the receipt into his own calloused hand.

Saizo nodded, but his head throbbed with the beginnings of a headache. He slowly pushed the cart outside and out to their car. He'd get his sleep, all right, but only when Yukimura-sama was contented. He'd never, _ever_ think about refusing to perform his duty for Yukimura. And _nothing_ would get in the way of his duty. Kyo got in the way, a _lot_. _And_ he liked to say rude things to Yukimura, and degrade him with his so-called 'humor'. Saizo grumbled under his breath and carefully set the box of sake in the back seat.

Yukimura greeted Saizo at the door as he came in carrying the box of sake.

"Saizo!! Thank you so much! I don't know _what _I'd do without you...! Lemme lighten that up for you." He took only one bottle from the box and opened it, chugged it down, and reached for another. He was halfway through his third bottle when Sasuke emerged from the bedroom, holding up a sheet of paper: the permission slip for the field trip.

"Can't you remember to sign anything around here?" Sasuke grumbled. He spotted Saizo standing by the door. "Oh, you're back. That box looks heavy." He peered into it. "Grr, sake _again_. How many times do I have to tell you, I don't drink the damn stuff!?"

"Yukimura-sama asked me to..."

"Yeah, whatever. You can put the box down now." Sasuke waved the paper in front of Yukki's face. "Hello, it's me, 'Saa-_chan_'." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "I was wondering when you were going to sign this. Ano _sensei no yaroo_ told me I could get punished again if I don't, but he was bluffing..."

Yukimura was dead drunk, and he veered in the direction of the couch, but missed and plowed into Saizo's lucky bamboo plant (named Ikki) and snapped it in half. He lay there for ten seconds and dragged himself to the couch like he had two broken legs.

"Oh, _now_ look what you did; Saizo's gonna _cry_ now..." Sasuke hardly cared what Saizo felt, but Saizo _was_ crying, and he was going unnoticed as usual. He set the box by the door and went to Ikki with open arms, who turned out to be very unlucky indeed.

"Gimme a pen...whereza pen at?" Yukimura slurred. He managed to sign his name rather shakily, but it was legible. Sasuke prayed he wouldn't volunteer as a chaperone but he did, much to his disbelief.

"You're gonna do _what_?" he whispered loudly. "No way are you gonna come; I swear I'll _kill_ you!!" Sasuke ripped the paper out of Yukki's hand, but Yukimura's word was law, drunk or sober. Sasuke went to the wall and put his forehead on it, braced himself with both hands...

BAM ("_You_) BAM (_are_) BAM (_ruining_) BAM (_my_) BAM (_life_!") **_BAM_**

Yukimura might've changed his mind when Sasuke pounded his head like that, but unfortunately he passed out just as the kid started. He slopped sake all over the couch and his face was pressed into the pillow. Saizo had to roll him over to keep him from suffocating. Sasuke cursed loudly and stormed outside, only to return five minutes later because he found the fan-girls watching him from a bedroom window across the street. Hell, they even stayed at each other's house for this purpose _alone_. Sasuke remembered his kendama and made a mental note to take it on the class trip. He went into his room to search for it. _Nai_. He went to the bathroom. _Nai_. He searched under and around Yukimura and the couch. _Nai_. He sat in a corner and probed his memories.

"Thank...God!!" Saizo breathed, and put the new twin brothers back into the jar of water. Ikki number one and Ikki number two.

"Hey Saizo, remember the time that I threw my kendama at you?" Sasuke broached.

Saizo's eyes narrowed with reproach. "Yes." He winced slightly, remembering the intense pain and the giant lump on his forehead that formed right after he woke up.

"Where did you put it?"

"..." Saizo turned his back around and ignored him, picking dry leaves off of Ikki number two. "I _said_, where _is it_?" Sasuke's voice dwindled to a deadly tone. He was about to slap him upside the head when Saizo turned back around and threw the kendama in his face. Sasuke barely caught it.

"Be more careful next time." Saizo murmured harshly. "You need to work on that aim of yours. Either that or your eyes must be crooked from holding back all that laughter when Yukimura-sama punishes y..."

"SHUT UP!!" Sasuke bellowed and knocked both Ikkis to the floor with the wooden ball. The carpet soaked up all the water. Yukimura fell off the couch and cracked his head open like an egg.

"Yukimura (sama)!" they both yelled, and ran to him. Or they tried, because Saizo slipped on Ikki number one and Sasuke got tangled up in the string from his kendama. They bumped heads and both tripped over Yukimura, falling on the hard floor.

"You _ass_!" Sasuke shouted. "Can't you do anything right? I just broke my damn finger..." he straightened it out with a loud _crack _and smacked Saizo in the back of the head using his foot; his kendama was all over the place.

"Of course I can!" Saizo cried, holding his head and sweat dropping as Yukimura hopelessly tried to sit up. "I just can't do anything right when somebody like you is around trying to mess everything up!!"

"Me?! Why _you_...!" he stopped to watch the partially filled bottle of sake roll slowly off the couch. It fell on Yukimura's out stretched hand; he yelped and stubbed his toe on the corner of the couch.

"Itai itai itai...!" he tried to get up again.

Sleepy, drunk, with body aches and a fractured skull, Yukimura only managed to move around in a rather retarded sort of way. He gave up and sprawled out in the middle of the living room. Sasuke crawled over to him and pulled open one of his eyes, which rolled creepily around in its socket. "Are you dead? Hello? Yukimura!" He slapped him a couple of times. Saizo shoved his hand away.

"Don't be so rough with him!" he snarled. "How would you like it if I did it to you?"

"Then I'd hit you back." Sasuke said, totally dissing him. He left the room to take care of his injured hand.

"Smart ass." Saizo muttered, and went to get a blanket and an icepack for Yukki's head.

"Mizu...hoshii..." Yukimura murmured. He was all alone in the living room. "Kimi...ga...inai...boku ga...inai...atama...ita...i..." he mumbled in a daze.

Yukimura didn't fracture his skull, fortunately, but Saizo lost Ikki number one in the tragedy and Sasuke pulverized his middle finger. What a rough week they were having!! But at least Sasuke got his kendama back and Yukimura got his sake, but what about poor ol'Saizo? (A new Ikki, but he died not twenty minutes later; poor guy.)

_I think they'll be going on a field trip in the next chapter, I don't know yet, because I have so much fun writing, I tend to put extra stuff in it, an by the time it's finished it's long enough to be a chapter. By the way, Ikki's the lucky bamboo plant that Yukimura got Saizo for his birthday nearly three years before, so Saizo really cares deeply for it, almost like a child. Obviously, Sasuke knows...!_


	6. The Conspiracy

A.N.: I changed this chapter around, so the story came out different. It's _was_ an attempt to introduce the new character, but I hope you don't mind that I changed it, because I had other stuff in mind. I don't know if I'll get around to using Kyo or other characters, because these guys are my favorite trio to write about. I'm good at Yukimura/Saizo/Sasuke stories, but if you want Kyo, maybe I'll find him a part......I'll try. Now, back to the story...!

Yukimura moaned and opened his eyes. It was morning and the sunlight peeked in through the curtains. He could hear every warble and twitter of those damn birds. He needed the bathroom and his head hurt like hell; there was a bump the size of a golf ball on it. He pushed the blanket off and noticed he was still on the couch. He stood up.

"Unnngh!!"

"Huh?" Yukimura looked around for the source of noise.

"Yugimura-zamaa!" Came a strangled voice.

"Oh, whoops!" Yukimura stepped off Saizo's chest. Saizo blinked miserably and sat up, clutching a frazzled baby-blue blanket that belonged to Sasuke when he was little.

"Good morning! What are you doing down here?"

"Sasuke...locked...the door...got real cold..." there were dark circles under Saizo's eyes and Yukimura could smell his morning breath. He beamed and hugged Saizo like a teddy bear. "I'll make waffles." He patted him on the head as if he were a faithful old dog.

Sasuke bumped into Yukki on the way to the bathroom. "'Morning." He muttered, pretending to remove his shirt and hiding his hand at the same time.

"Ohayoo!!" Yukimura grabbed Sasuke and hugged him tight.

"Yow!!" he cried. Yukimura let go. "Something wrong?" he asked, instantly concerned.

"Nothing..." Sasuke gritted his teeth and slammed the door before anything else could happen. When he came out, after a quick shower, he found Saizo sitting forlornly at the table, hugging his knees. Yukimura was serving him burnt waffles with maple syrup. He had poured on a ton of syrup, which was warm and thin from the microwave.

"Hey, I'm _really_ sorry about Ikki, you know?" He said gently. Saizo stared straight ahead, picking at his tangled hair. "Here, eat your breakfast." Yukimura hacked a piece off the burned waffle with a fork and stuffed it into Saizo's mouth. Saizo gagged; the syrup leaked out from the corner of his mouth and ran down his chin. Yukimura spotted Sasuke. "Hey, kiddo. Want some waffles too?"

Sasuke saw a pale Saizo frantically signaling 'no' from behind Yukimura.

"No thanks. I'll make my own breakfast." Sasuke also knew what a terrible cook Yukimura was.

"Saizo, you're drooling. Wait, let me guess..." Yukimura clapped his hands together with joy. "You love it! Don't you, _don't_ you?"

Saizo gulped his waffle down, swallowing his guilt. "Uhh, I really don't have an appetite this morning; I have uh, a headache."

"What a coincidence, so do I." Yukimura said, and ate Saizo's waffle. He frowned. "Not bad."

Saizo and Sasuke looked wearily at each other.

_Later that morning, at school_:

"Mr. Comar, I brought back your stupid permission slip." He'd never forgiven the teacher for helping suspend him. (Note: He was suspended for three days, but I didn't write about it because I wanted to put other things in.)

"Now Sasuke, that's very nice of you. Many of us love nice things like that." He slowly read the signature. "Yukimura Sanada."

"My so-called guardian's gonna be chaperoning."

"I'm very glad to hear that." Mr. Comar smiled wide, and stroked the little mustache he had been growing lately. Sasuke's eye twitched in revulsion.

Sasuke muttered. "It's not like he _had_ to."

That Friday was the field trip. Today was Wednesday. Sasuke prayed something would happen to Yukimura on Friday. He found Saizo very useful in his conspiracy.

"How is your head Yukimura-sama?" Saizo asked. Sasuke stood in the next room, with his ear pressed to the wall. The two of them were playing Mario Kart on his Game Cube. (He didn't just have the kendama; he liked all kinds of games.) Saizo was very good at it, but he kept letting Yukimura win; Yukimura was very good at it too, but he kept letting Saizo win. So they ended up taking turns losing.

"I couldn't be better." Yukimura replied jovially. Sasuke smirked, and loaded one of Yukimura's many suitcases with as many heavy things as he could find: a pair of ten-pound weights, an iron, three large cans of dog food (juicy beef!), two Dictionaries, a Thesaurus, and a ton of Naruto manga. (He liked ninja manga; his favorite character was Sasuke, of course.) He thought a moment, and took out the manga and replaced it with a five-pound sack of flour he took from the kitchen cabinet. He zipped it shut and picked it up to test it. He unzipped it a little and stuffed the manga back into place. Perfect! He piled some laundry into it to hide the objects and put it by the bedroom door.

"Sasuke-kun, we're going to get some groceries," Yukimura called from the living room. Was he going to take his coat? Yes, it was quite rainy out today, and it looked like it was going to pour some more. Sasuke rushed out to see Yukimura putting on his coat.

"We'll be back in about fifteen or twenty minutes, so hang tight!" Yukimura turned to leave. "We'll get you some seaweed snacks and maybe sushi..." (The Asian Supermarket had a restaurant attached to it.)

"Wait, you forgot this!" Sasuke took a scarf from the closet and wrapped it around Yukimura's neck. Yukimura looked at him with a newfound faith.

"Why _Sasuke_," he whispered in mock surprise. "You really do care!" he smiled at Saizo. "Looks like all our hard work paid off huh?" The man blinked. "Er, I guess it did," Saizo hardly knew what he was talking about.

"Whatever, just go already!!" Sasuke pushed them out into the rain and slammed the door behind them. Whew, that was a close one. If he was going to conspire, he'd better not get too conspicuous about it. He spent the first five minutes checking to see if they were gone for good and then he went into the martial arts room to think his plan through.

First, Yukimura would come back and set the groceries on the table, no, Saizo would be clamoring to do all the work, so Yukimura would be at the closet already, he would open it and Bam! He'd be unconscious, hopefully with a concussion. Second, Saizo would panic and coming running to his aid and he'd be doctored up and ready to go again the next morning. Wait. That was _not_ supposed to happen!! That meant more drastic measures had to be taken...

Sasuke lugged the suitcase to the closet and perched it on the shelf inside, in a way so that when the door opened, it would fall down on whoever opened it. Hmm. It needed more, but before he could do anything else, the doorbell rang. Sasuke ran over to the door, but he was too short to reach the peephole.

"Damn!" He opened the closet door to get the stool. _Bam!_ Sasuke staggered and fell forwards into the coats. Pain shot through him like electricity, and he _knew_ it would be enough to give someone a concussion. Maybe he'd get one now, and still be hurting bad enough on Friday so he could stay home. He massaged his head furiously to get rid of the pain, climbed onto the stool and looked through the peephole. Shit, it was _Lacey_!

"Crap, it's the ugly girl with the glasses!" he hissed, and rushed away to wait quietly in his room until she was gone. When he was sure she had left, he put the suitcase back up on the shelf and went into his room to seethe. What the hell was she doing here? Whatever it was, he didn't like the sound of it.

Fifteen minutes later the two men were back.

"Tadaimaa!!" Yukimura called. No answer. Yukimura set the load of groceries on the table and began putting everything away. Saizo came in with the rest of the groceries.

"Here, Saizo put my coat away for me." Yukimura tossed his coat and scarf at him, and Saizo went to do as he was told.

Sasuke came out of the bathroom in time to see Saizo get crushed under the suitcase and fall heavily to the floor. He writhed silently under the weight. Yukimura came running. "What _was_ that?" he spotted Saizo on the floor, under the suitcase. "Oh no! Saizo, what happened?" he exclaimed, taking the suitcase off with some difficulty. He took Saizo's hand and held it like he were on his deathbed or something. "Did the suitcase fall on you? Say something!" Saizo was barely conscious and he fainted five seconds later, his hand flopped to the floor rather unceremoniously; blood crept its way out of his nose.

"Omigod, it's blood!" Yukimura said, and gave a fake shudder. He smiled and patted the victim on the shoulder. "You'll be fine." He calmly took the tissue box from the table where the phone stood and used one to dab at Saizo's nose. He then hung up their coats and put a pillow under his battered head.

Sasuke ran to his room and punched the wall with all his might. His plan _failed_! _Dammit_!!

"_GAAAARGHHH_!!" he forgot about his broken finger; he'd taken the bandage off to prevent suspicion, and to risk exactly what would happen in the next two hours.

Yukimura jumped up. "Sasuke!" He rushed in to find Sasuke clutching his hand and rolling around in agony, shouting dirty words at nobody.

"Hold still!" he hushed, holding him down with one arm. He examined Sasuke's finger. "Broken,"

Sasuke spent the next two and a half hours at the hospital, grinding his teeth as the doctor wrapped his hand in an uncomfortably snug bandage. He sighed impatiently, read every poster on the wall several times then kicked the chair, which annoyed the doctor. Saizo was taking up a lot of space on the cot, and he was slipping off. Yukimura was sitting in a chair by the doctor, reading a magazine and playing with a lock of hair. Saizo's head ached as he slept and he let out a whimper every now and then.

They'd spent twenty minutes driving and stopping in rush hour traffic. Sasuke spent another fifteen minutes in the parking lot fighting Yukimura off (he'd stepped all over Saizo, who was lying forlornly in the back seat at the time, with a wad of tissue stuck in his nostril) and Yukimura spent another thirty looking for him, to which he simply explained that he got lost while looking for the bathroom. Saizo fainted again while following them down a deserted hallway, stalling them even further. Then they'd been informed that the doctor was now in the middle of an appointment with another patient, and they'd been stuck waiting for a long time.

"There! All done now, see?" The doctor cut the excess bandage off and gave Sasuke a couple pieces of candy. Cherry flavored. Sasuke unwrapped one with his teeth. He was so hungry; Yukimura forgot the sushi at the house. His finger was beginning to tingle, and it felt kinda cold to the touch.

"This is too tight!" Sasuke complained, tugging at the bandage. "My finger's numb." The man saw a purple thing sticking out of the bandage. "Hmm, it looks like you're right. I guess we'll have to fix it..." he began removing carefully, inch by inch. Saizo wanted to knock himself out again, this time on purpose. It was eight thirty when they finally left for home, and almost nine o'clock when they reached it.

"Now," Yukimura said sternly, as he helped an exhausted Saizo out of the car. "You're going to listen to that doctor and take good care of that hand, do you hear? And no more punching the walls, you're not Godzilla."

"I never said I was Godzilla!" Sasuke cried. He didn't tell Yukimura about him and Saizo getting clumsy and falling over each other, that was stupid.

"Go to bed, now." Yukimura got out their futons and laid them out side by side. (Yeah, they sleep on futons, Japanese-style.) Sasuke got ready for bed and lay down, then Yukki, and Saizo lastly.

"G'night you two," Yukimura yawned and pulled them close on either side.

"I'm trying to sleep!" Sasuke grumbled. Yukimura messed both their hair up and let them go. Saizo massaged his aching head and Sasuke curled up into a ball, turning the other way.


	7. Thursday

Sasuke rolled to his feet and hurried to take a shower. _Damn!_ He couldn't, because of his finger. So he just managed to wash his hair clumsily with one hand.

Yukimura yawned and rolled onto his side. He shook Saizo gently.

"Saizo? You awake?"

A pale face surrounded by a tangled mass of hair rose up from under the blanket. Yukimura gasped in mock fear.

"Are you Saizo?" he asked. The ghoul nodded and a hand stiffly reached up to pull a bloodstained wad of tissue from its nose.

"Eww..." Yukimura cringed and made a cross sign with his index fingers as if to ward Saizo off. The man yawned and scratched his head. There were so many snarls his hand wouldn't come free. Sasuke came in.

"You look like a lion with a bad hair day." he remarked.

Yukimura laughed. "Saizo, you've got blood crusties on your face." he pinched Saizo's cheeks with both hands. "My, your face is soft!" he pouted playfully. "Were you using my face wash? Were you? Were you?"

"You two are pathetic."

Yukimura tickled Saizo's armpits. "Are you ticklish?" Saizo's face stayed straight. Yukimura pried Saizo's mouth open and looked inside. "Is there a soul in there?"

"Apparently not." Sasuke observed, as Saizo's eyes closed and he fell back snoring with one hand stuck in his mane.

Mrs. Gladys was wearing an unusual grin on when Sasuke got on the bus.

"Broken eh? May I take a look?" She looked hard at Sasuke's hand. Sasuke folded his arms.

"No, you may _not_." He replied curtly, cringing at the cat food aroma. Cat food stank like hell. He guessed had like, thrity cats or something. He took a seat in the middle of the bus and noticed the blond boy was sitting across from his.

"Hi, Sasuke." He said.

"Hey." Sasuke mumbled. The blond boy smiled.

"I'm Russell. I noticed you live in our neighborhood."

"Oh," Sasuke said, continuing to stare at the trees. Russell tried again.

"What happened to your hand?"

"Broke it." Sasuke held it up. "It's too stupid to talk about." He added. (It was Sasizo's fault!)

Russell grinned, but Sasuke saw that he understood. So he smiled back.

Meanwhile, Saizo and Yukimura were both sitting in the room they called the 'red light district'. It was called that because of the luminous red Chinese styled lamps that hung from the ceiling. (That was Yukimura's idea, even as ludicrous as it was; he always got a kick out of it.) On the walls were tapestries of dragons; tatami mats lined the floor. The two men were seated at a low Japanese table in the middle of the room, sipping hot green tea that Saizo made after Sasuke left for school.

"Ahh..." Yukimura said, and took another sip. "Ahhh..." he closed his eyes and took a third gulp.

"Ahhhh..."

Saizo tried to ignore it.

"Ahhhh..."

Saizo closed his eyes and attempted to focus on something else other than Yukimura's sighs. Instead, it only bored into his skull.

"Yukimura-sama. How does music sound to you?" Saizo asked.

"Why not?" Yukimura refilled his cup. "Take your pick."

Saizo found the CD case and flipped through a couple before he found one of a shamisen. He popped it into the stereo and pressed play.

Five minutes into the music, Yukimura started up again, this time with a loud slurping sound. He chuckled. "slurp Ahhh... slurp Ahhh..."

The music was beginning to sound erotic. Saizo sweatdropped. "Yukimura-sama," he interrupted. "How's your tea so far?"

"Very good, Saizo. You make _great_ tea." Yukimura got ready to take another sip, but Saizo reached over and grabbed his wrist.

"Huh?"

"You've got...a fly on your cup." Saizo said. "I think it's in your tea."

"Oh," Yukimura swirled his tea around. "Poor guy..." he set his cup down, much to Saizo's relief.

"Why's your hair all messed up?" Yukimura asked, folding his slender fingers neatly on the table.

"I've been busy all week," Saizo replied stiffly. Yukimura smiled.

"Why don't I...fix it up a bit?"

"Er..." Saizo thought cautiously. He hoped Yukimura-sama wouldn't go overboard with his hair like _last_ time. He'd walked around the mall with pigtails tied with pink ribbons. Sasuke nearly died laughing.

"Come," Yukimura practically dragged Saizo to a chair in the living room, plunked him down, and began untangling the snarls one by one using his fingers.

"Tsk, so many tangles. I dunno where to begin." Yukimura thought a moment. "Let's wash it!"

"Yukimura-sama...!" Saizo mumbled as he was pushed to the sink.

"Lemme get a towel; be right back." Yukimura hurried away and Saizo could hear him rummaging around in the bathroom through his stash of hair products.

"No, not that...maybe I'll use that..." Yukimura returned with a blue fluffy towel and an armload of bottles. Saizo gaped.

"Now, to take really good care of hair, you need to blah blah blah blah blah..." he went on for some time. "Blah blah blah. All set?" he beamed.

Saizo sweatdropped and nodded.

It was lunchtime at the school. Sasuke was teaching Russell how to play with a kendama.

"Wow, this is fun!" Russell hit the ball a couple times. "I didn't know you had one of these."

"I can hit people with it too." Sasuke grinned. "I can show you, but we need someone to use as a guinea pig..."

"Hey, blondie! Who's your friend?" called an ominous voice. "Oh, it's Snake Eyes." A rather large kid with bulging muscles stepped out of thin air.

"Who're you?" Sasuke said with dislike. Russell tensed, and scooted a bit closer to Sasuke.

"I'm Nate." The big guy said. Nearly everyone knew Nate. He was the most notorious bully the school ever had.

"I'm gonna kick your skinny ass!" Nate yelled. Sasuke shrugged. "So?" Nate charged like a bull, both fists at the ready. Russell ran out of his way, but Sasuke stood his ground. Nate's fist surged forth and stopped not an inch from Sasuke's nose.

"Quit bluffing and do it for real." Sasuke sneered. "You're not at all tough, are you?"

"I'll show you, little punk." Nate snarled, and ran at Sasuke again. Sasuke still didn't move. Nate punched as hard he could.

"Where are you going? I'm right here." Sasuke called. Nate turned his ugly head around. Sasuke was standing directly behind him.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you never to show your back to your opponent?" Sasuke asked casually. "That's the stupidest move I've ever seen." A crowd of kids was beginning to gather. Most of the tougher kids were cheering for Nate, but the weaker ones went for Sasuke.

"Kill him, Nate!"

"Don't lose, Sasuke!"

"Show him who's the boss, Sasuke!" Russell yelled.

Sasuke and Nate slowly moved in circles. Nate threw his third punch, which Sasuke dodged with ease.

Nate cursed. "Stand still long enough for me to hit you!" he shouted.

"I don't think tough guys are supposed to plea for someone to wait." Sasuke shook his head. "Bad move...!"

Nate followed up with like, a dozen punches. It was starting to look like a scene from Dragon Ball Z.

"How is he _doing_ that?!" someone shouted. Sasuke moved so swiftly you could hardly see him.

"He's like a _ninja_!" another called.

"Fighting people like you..." Sasuke called. "...is a piece of cake. Tired, now?" Nate was huffing and puffing; Sasuke hadn't even broken a sweat yet.

"Finish him!!" Someone shouted.

"Sasuke, finish him!!"

"Kill, kill, kill, kill!!" they all chanted.

"You'll be dead," Nate whispered, and used the last of his strength to hurl forth and beat the other boy to a pulp. It would've worked, but Sasuke sidestepped and tripped him, at the same time using a free hand to send him further off balance. Nate crashed to the ground with a satisfying, "UNG H!!" and everyone else burst into cheers.

"The ninja wins!!" Russell yelled.

"NINJA, NINJA, NINJA...!!"

Sasuke walked into the living room that afternoon to find Saizo munching out on a chocolate donut.

"Donuts are on the table." Saizo murmured, brushing the crumbs from his face.

"What're _those_?" Sasuke reached over and yanked on Saizo's hair. It was braided into miniscule plaits scaling his head.

"Cornrows," Yukimura said proudly, he was holding a donut.

"Corn-what?" Sasuke began, and Yukimura shoved a donut in his mouth.

"Guess what?" Yukimura said.

"Mmph!" the boy mumbled through his mouthful.

"Mrs. Gladys wants you to mow her lawn! For five bucks a week..."

"NO WAY!" Sasuke thundered. "Grass does _not_ grow that fast!"

"Do it, Sasuke." Saizo ordered. "Not many kids your age get paid to do something like that."

"Uh-uh, not _her_ lawn." Sasuke shook his head furiously. "She's a witch! She beats kids up with her pole!"

"I think I recall her saying that she used it for pushing roadkill off the highway." Yukimura mused.

"That's dis_gus_ting!" Sasuke cried. "I'm not gonna waste time mowing my bus driver's lawn!"

"Don't be lazy." Saizo said.

"I'm _not_!"

"Sure you are. What would you rather be doing then?"

"..." Sasuke thought hard. What would he use his weekends for? He usually stayed home and played the GameCube, or climbed trees at the park. Only _their _park was so stingy with the trees; they put up signs that said 'please, don't climb!'

"For one thing, I'd rather stay home with you two idiots than go to that stinky shack. I'll bet her cats crapped all over her front yard."

"Aww, Sasuke." Yukimura fawned. "I didn't know you loved us. Saizo, you're a _great_ dad!"

"I am not his dad!" Saizo cried. "Who wants a spoiled brat for a son?"

"Me? Spoiled?!"

"Okay, okay," Yukimura interrupted. "Here's how we'll settle this. You and Saizo can go. Saizo, make sure she doesn't kill Sasuke, and Sasuke, make sure she doesn't seduce Saizo."

Saizo jumped up. "_What_?!" he yelled. Yukimura giggled. "No, I was joking. Would an 'old hag' like Mrs. Gladys have any sex drive left? I really don't think so."

Sasuke frowned. "And what about _you_?" Yukimura put on a straight face.

"Well...I suppose I'll be 'running errands'." He chuckled softly.

"Saizo, distract her so she won't kill someone. She'll grind us into cat food." Sasuke said.

Saizo frowned. "She's not a wild animal. It's easy for someone like me to handle someone like her."

"Living with all those cats, I'm _sure_ she'd be an animal." Sasuke contradicted.

"You have such a _diverse_ imagination." Yukimura said.

"Enough of this." Sasuke took another donut from the plate on the table. "I'm doing my homework now." He went into his room and set his bag on the floor. But instead of taking out his books, he curled up right there and dozed off. (I bet he _was_ tired!)

There was a knock at the door. Yukimura came in. "Sasuke, want the last donut?" he saw the boy sleeping on the floor.

"If you were tired, why didn't you say so?" Yukimura put the donut in his mouth and got a pillow from the closet. He tucked it gently under Sasuke's head. The boy sighed and turned over. Yukimura smiled and ate the rest of the donut. Then he shut the door and joined Saizo in MarioKart.


	8. The Green Lawns of Gladys

_Okay, thanks to a couple of requests for another chapter, I have finally decided to write once more! Yay, thank you for the motivation! I thought I'd never write fanfics for a loooong time! (Thanks to Hyper Kid!) I will be graduating soon from high school, and though it will be months until college, I still hope to continue the crazy and insane adventures of Sanada Yukimura and his groupies!_

_Saizo: Eh?_

_Sasuke: Yeah, hn, whatever._

_I have a busy high school life to worry about, and it took me about two weeks to dream up this chapter, so enjoy! _

_Disclaimer: I don't own SDK, except for characters I made up myself! That includes Mrs. Gladys too! (Ugly hag…)_

* * *

It was eight o'clock. Sasuke kicked the chair in anger. His bandaged finger had stopped throbbing, and was now on the road to recovery. However that was far from Sasuke's thoughts. He clenched the fingers of his good hand together and let the nails dig into his palms.

Today was the day. They day on which he would swear to kill… The day on which he would—

"Sasuke-chaan!"

"ARRGH! Stop calling me that, you weirdo!" Sasuke yelled irritably. He grabbed his backpack from the couch and dashed outside.

The screen door slammed shut, just as Yukimura came dancing into the room like a ballerina. Since he had decided to cosplay today, he was dressed Lolita-style. He wore a laced frilly headband with his dark hair neatly brushed into place; his bangs were combed out on his forehead. The black one piece dress had a lovely corset-like ribbon lace up in the front, and a large frilly bow tied in the back. The waistband, armbands, bows, and dress were decorated with black ribbons and white lace. The dress was full and 'poofy', like a dress you might see on a small girl, and ended mid-thigh. To top it off, he wore long black knee high socks complete with five-inch platform shoes. The cuteness was intoxicating! He looked like a French maid with more sugar than spice.

"Wait! Wait up, little boy, I'm coming!" Yukimura looked left and right. ("Ah! Doko? Doko ni?") Nobody was there. He then skittered to the door. "It's such a shame to go hungry when you could've been having chicken teriyaki for lunch!" He called after Sasuke. "Mmm! I'm getting hungry just holding it…" Yukimura sighed in mock sorrow. "I'd really hate to put extra meat on these ribs, especially since this lovely dress fits me so perfectly…!" He pouted and danced on the spot in frustration. "If I eat it, I can always make another one."

Sasuke was almost two blocks away when he skidded to a halt. He nearly fell on his face. He double-checked his backpack with disbelief. The only things he had were his kendama, a bottle of water, and two mangas. He'd forgotten his Gameboy and of all things, the bentou. Sasuke zipped the bag closed. "Dammit!" He shouted, but he kept on running.

Back at home, Yukimura was prying the lid off the bentou box with gusto. Saizo crept in from the living room and stood by the counter. He eyed Yukimura's getup suspiciously and appeared to formulate an escape route in his mind. Yukimura patted the seat next to him and smiled widely.

"Saizo-chan, let us engage in this wonderful, sumptuous meal that Sasuke-chan has given unto me upon his departure to the Green Lawns of Gladys!"

"Let's just eat, Yukimura-sama."

"Oh come on, Saizo. Don't be so grumpy that I fixed Sasuke his bentou, and not yours…! Oh, and don't forget, my name is Yuki, _Yuu-kii!_"

"Okay, Yuki-chan er, Yuki-sama." ('Yuki' is a girl name, while 'Yukki' is more like Yukimura-san's nickname.)

* * *

Sasuke peered up at the old white washed house at the top of the hill. The house was three stories high and looked like something out of a horror movie, complete with some broken shutters and loose boards. Sasuke looked closer and saw that there were about two cats sitting on each window ledge.

_Just as I had suspected…! _Sasuke scowled in disbelief. He was thankful that he convinced Yukimura to tell Saizo to stay behind, which Saizo was all too happy to do. He didn't think that Saizo would even survive a conversation with Mrs. Gladys anyway.

The house had at least a mile radius of furry green lawn. The entire property was surrounded by a tall iron fence with spikes at the top. Some of the bars were bent out of shape, as if a large beast had tried to crawl through them.

"Why me…?" The boy whined out loud.

"Because…**_YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE!_**" a high, witchy voice squealed directly behind him. Sasuke whirled around in surprise.

Mrs. Gladys burst into a flurry of cackles that nearly sent her reeling to the asphalt. She coughed the phlegm out of her throat and spit it on the sidewalk. She was holding an ancient black puff of fur under one arm and a large purse big enough to be a suitcase in the other. Two orbs the color of fire glared at Sasuke from the fur puff.

"What are you doing out of the house, you old hag?" Sasuke asked coldly. Mrs. Gladys then shut up and began combing her stringy gray hair with long bony fingers.

Sasuke leaned back as she came closer to put her face close to his. He smelled fifty years of heavy cigarette use on her breath. Sickened, he turned away, still keeping his sneering eyes on hers, which were partially hidden by the heavy fold of sagging skin. She lifted a finger and poked him in the chest with a long yellow nail. A gaping hole appeared in her face and revealed brown jagged teeth. Sasuke stood frozen to the ground.

"The lawn mower is in the garden shed." A gravelly voice said slowly. "Get going if you want to live!"

Sasuke walked over to the gate and tugged at the rusty latch.

Mrs. Gladys cackled while slowly stroking the mop of long black fur covering the cat's head. "Weakling!" she snorted loudly, and spat a hunk of yellow mucus onto the ground inches away from Sasuke's foot.

"Do that again and I'll send you to hell where you belong!" Sasuke fumed. The hag cackled and swayed back and forth like a brittle twig in the wind. The gate swung open with a piercing scream and Sasuke ran like a demon to the shed. He opened the doors and they swung forth on loose hinges. The darkness was permeated by stale air and the smell of dust and cobwebs.

"I don't see any damn lawn mower!" Sasuke cried.

"I'm not into those noisy machines that are a pain to get started up! It's in the corner to your left!" Mrs. Gladys snapped, and began teetering up the steps to her house. She let the hairy, black mop fall to the ground, where it leapt onto a withered bench near the front door and let out a crackly "meow". It then trotted to the lawn and sat in the green grass, staring intently at Sasuke.

Sasuke walked further into the shed, peered closely into the dark, and spotted an old-fashioned reel-type lawn mower that used revolving, spiral metal blades to snip the grass. Only the blades on this one were so dull, they wouldn't shave one of Mrs. Gladys's cats for all the blades in the world. He dragged it closer to the light.

"I'm supposed to mow the lawn with _this_?" Sasuke snarled. The old thing was about half the size of a motorized lawn mower, and looked so flimsy that it couldn't possibly mow a square foot of grass.

The lady poked her skull-like head out the nearest window. "Hard work will do you good so GET MOVING!" Mrs. Gladys poked her head inside and shut the window so that it rattled.

"Curse…you…" Sasuke growled, dragging the mower with him, and stepped onto the grass.

The grass _was_ long, and created a spongy sensation under his foot. Sasuke took another step and tried to lift the other foot again, but something was stuck to his shoe.

"Huh?" Sasuke shook his foot, and then bent his foot sideways so he could see under it. A sour stench wafted into his nostrils as he leaned closer to see.

"HOLY CRAP!"

* * *

Saizo stepped out of the bedroom. "Yukimura-sama, I don't think this is appropriate for a man like me..."

The man was decked out in a dark blue sailor uniform, not unlike a Japanese schoolgirl. The skirt was obviously shortened to miniskirt length, and he wore loose socks and black penny loafers to match his uniform. His hair was tied into pigtails with multicolored bubble hair ties.

Yukimura laughed. "OHOHO! Don't worry, Sai-chan, you'll come to like it…now can you turn around so I can see if you've got your panties on right?"

"WHAAT!"

"I'm just kidding!" Yukimura burst into a fit of giggles, and abruptly stopped, his expression grave. "No, Saizo, I'm dead serious."

"Yukimura-sama, I…"

"It's Yuki, Yuki desu yo."

Saizo scowled for the first time, and folded his arms. "Whatever!" He pouted and looked away.

"Aww, there you go, just like that. Now I'm convinced." Yukimura thought for a second. "Now all we need is a name for you. How does Yumi sound?"

"No."

"Satsuki?"

"No."

"Miho will have to do, then."

Saizo sighed impatiently and scowled. "Yukimura-sama, remind me again why we are doing this?"

"Come on, it's not like you to forget our missions! We're going to spy on Sasuke-kun, and take pictures! That's our mission…!"

"Is it really necessary?"

"Definitely. Now go fetch Sasuke's bentou, it's on the kitchen counter. Don't forget the chopsticks!"

* * *

Sasuke finished scraping cat poop off his shoe and proceeded to mow the lawn. The grass was so long and thick that it took several tries before the old rusty blades could cut a patch of grass evenly. He noticed a couple of boys across the street playing catch with a Frisbee.

"Now why couldn't she have picked them to do the dirty work?" Sasuke asked out loud. He hadn't worked up a sweat yet, but the fresh cat poop smell was pretty strong. It was starting to get him queasy. He continued to mow. And mow. And mow. Shaking the grass cuttings off the blade, he noticed that the sun was starting to get hot.

Inside, Mrs. Gladys was in front of her old television set, stirring sugar into her tea; she then took a sip. She frowned a moment, tasting the tea, and then reached for the sugar bowl again. When she did, the fuzzy image on the screen flickered and shook. She scowled an old lady scowl, and got up to adjust the antennae. Keeping her eyes on the screen, she backed away from the television set and edged carefully to her chair,. When she felt the backs of her knees bump the chair's edge, she lowered herself down slowly…easy does it…Mrs. Gladys plopped herself down in her seat. There!

"MRRROOOOOOOOWWW!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" The old lady screeched, and jumped up as fast as her old butt could move. A small yellow tabby clung to the seat of her pants and hissed his fury.

Outside, Sasuke dashed to the window and shook with silent laughter as he watched Mrs. Gladys dance around with a cat stuck to her...well, ass. The old lady beat the poor kitty with a cushion, all the while shrieking with anger. The cat abruptly let go and zipped under the chair. Mrs. Gladys dusted her hands and seeing the television was clear, went to her chair again.

_Bzzzzt!_ White, flurry snowies hissed onto the screen the moment she sat down. Sighing irritably, the old lady got up. Reaching over, she turned one of the large knobs on the television set.

Sasuke held his stomach to ease the pain of laughter. He took up the lawn mower again and headed to the middle of the lawn where he'd left off. Stopping to rest for a few seconds, he wondered what kind of stupid plan Yukimura and Saizo were making up for the day. He hoped it wasn't like last time, where they had decided to get a job selling ice cream using a colorful cart with a lacy umbrella attached to it. Yukimura was dressed in a large chunky cat costume, and Saizo was dressed like a bear. Sasuke growled out loud at the thought and went back to work.

KRRRRR!

"Huh?" The boy kept mowing, but soon the hunger pangs grew stronger.

_I should've just returned to get the bentou!_ _Oh well…_

* * *

Saizo clung to the black leather briefcase that held Sasuke's bentou. Yukimura had wrapped it in a silky blue cloth, Japanese-style. "Be careful; don't jolt it around too much!" He warned. "We don't want to spoil Sasuke-kun's lunch! Remember to put a little bounce into your steps."

Saizo was utterly at the mercy of the world. He'd cringed and groaned and complained, but that hadn't been enough to ward Yukimura away. He'd waxed his legs, pulling out every strand of hair; he'd yanked Saizo's hair into two flowing pigtails, and killed it with enough aerosol spray to blow a hole in the ozone layer. Now the only thing that was saving him from feeling like a total loser was that he was not wearing girl's underwear. Saizo, however, knew that Yukki was probably joking about having to wear it, but he was still relieved when he didn't 'check'. The shy man dearly wished he'd stayed in Japan.

"Yukimura-sama, I can't possibly go on any further…I look terrible!" Saizo began; he reached up to try to tug his hair loose. Yukimura stopped and opened the lacy black purse he was carrying and took something out. Saizo couldn't see what it was at first, until Yukimura beckoned him to come closer. "Here, I think you should try some of this."

"Huh?" Saizo leaned in. **_Eyeliner! _**He jumped back abruptly.

"Some color will do you good…!" Yukimura beamed widely and grabbed Saizo's red necktie, the kind that matches with school uniforms.

"_IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_"

* * *

Sasuke stopped to wipe his brow. He was just about done with the lawn. Er, the lawn in front of the house. Shit, this was taking too long! He stopped to drink some water.

"_Sa-soo-kay!_" a shrieky voice pierced the air. Sasuke turned around, and was blown away by a deadly blast of cold water from the garden hose.

"ARRGH!" He scrambled to his feet and glared hatefully at Mrs. Gladys, face dripping wet with cold water, white hair glistening. He shook his head like a dog and threw down the lawn mower. "I'm leaving, you old witch!" He yelled, and ran to the fence. Mrs. Gladys laughed and laughed, stopping every so often to cough and spit. Cough and spit.

Sasuke scrambled over the fence like it was nothing, and as soon as his feet hit the sidewalk, began running as fast as he could. "Mow your own damn lawn!" He yelled, looking over his shoulder.

* * *

"_IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_!" Saizo freaked out and tore free from Yukimura's grip. He streaked away, losing his tie in the process, leaving Yukimura behind.

"Oi, _oi!_ _Saizo!_" Yukimura yelled. "_You might wanna open your eyes when you're running…!_"

Sasuke rammed into a screaming flat-chested girl with pigtails and the two fell down in opposite directions. The scream was abruptly cut short as her head slammed into the sidewalk with a _crack_, and Sasuke's nose exploded with a spray of bright red blood. The briefcase with the bentou went flying.The twolay sprawled and lifeless on the sidewalk.

Yukimura stood frozen to the spot, unmoving, and then his face broke into a wide grin.

"Sasuke!" He cried happily and picked up a rock from the sidewalk. He scratched the outlines of their limp bodies on the sidewalk and stood back to survey his work.Sasuke, barely recovering,moved aboutgroggily.

"What in the hell is going on?" He tried to sit up, but Yukimura pushed him back down.

"Sasuke, my poor child, what happened!" he whimpered, stuffing Kleenex up both nostrils. "Don't move, okay?" Sasuke grunted angrily. "I'm fine, okay?" He stood up and wobbled, the blood was rapidly drying and turning brown. "I'm going home!" He staggered in the direction of home, while Yukimura carefully shook Saizo awake. Saizo's eyes shot open and he wheezed heavily. "Yuki…mura!" He gasped, and grabbed on tightly to Yukki's sleeve.

"What, what!" Yukki exclaimed, and bent closer. Saizo's eyes drooped, and he went limp and fell back to the sidewalk.

"Oh, no… I've got to get him back home! But how?" Yukimura looked left and right.

"Um, you can use this if you want…!" said a tiny voice behind him. Yukimura turned around and saw a little girl and a little boy standing there with a wagon at ready.

Yukimura beamed.


End file.
